You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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