So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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