I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
