He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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