I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
