Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
