Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
