Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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