Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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