Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize