I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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