i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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