about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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