Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
