I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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