I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
