I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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