I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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