He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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