Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
