Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
