I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
