So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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