I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So vagazzling was a success
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