Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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