I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
