when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
