What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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