It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
