I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
