Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
