He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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