Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
