Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
