Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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