fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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