Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
