I love black thongs
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
