They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
