i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
