I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
