I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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