life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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