That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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