I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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