Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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