The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
