why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
