he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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