I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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