i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
