I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
