I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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