my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize