In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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