I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
