im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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