How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
