i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
