The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
