im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
