when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
