My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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