he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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