Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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