in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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