i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
