im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Someone stole a lamp last night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
