He told me they were just razor bumps!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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