im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
