my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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